I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’
Gleams that untravell’d world, whose margin fades
Forever and forever when I move.
Ulysses – Lord Alfred Tennyson

Dear Saints and Aints.

Shalom.

“I am a part of all that I have met …”

I look at the tangled mess that constitutes my life and to mind comes the picture of a skein of wool that has fallen victim to a hyper-active playful kitten. This is especially true from 1975 onwards. In part, no doubt, it is due to the blessings of a life lived in independence of layers of administration directing my path. That anything was accomplished is no doubt due to God directing that path which some, again no doubt - doubt.

Part of the problem is that I refuse to listen to any other voice but to the one I perceive to be God’s. It is hard to accept for some people when I do things that seem to fly in the face of common sense. But in 1965 I listened to that voice, obeyed and God vindicated me. In 1975 I again listened to that voice and came to India and – stand vindicated. In 1981 at a church God tells me, “Minister and leave the finances to me.” I do and till now – I stand vindicated. There are many other instances where I rejected the reasonable voices of well-meaning people and chose what I perceived to be God’s voice. Bapu’s going to Canada on his own is the latest in this series and, to judge by the reports – I stand vindicated. I want to hear God’s voice through my ears and not filtered through the ears of others. I want to see God through my eyes and not through the eyes of others and lastly, I want to understand God through my heart with everything that constitutes me – the good, the bad and the ugly. I set about this task the same way somebody sets out discovering the original painting underneath the accumulated dust and grime and improvements made by some would-be-artists. This, in my case, is the removal of the but poorly understood and the falsely believed - using as my guide the Word of God.

Admittedly it takes courage and convictions to live such a life; the price of that life of independence was that it was often a life of stark loneliness. I was responsible to nobody and nobody was responsible for me. When things got really rough – which frequently they did - the mocking voice of Eliphaz haunted me,

“Call now, is there anyone who will answer you?
And to which of the holy ones will you turn?”
Job 5:1

There was none! I stood in the gap – alone – to defend my kids, to defend our property. Year after year I stood between my kids and their needs; between their fears and that which they feared. I fought off people who wanted to take away our school in the guise of helping us; against people who by guile wanted to rob us of a large part of our property. There were those who under the guise of helping wanted to take control of the society. I stood in the gap between them and their greed and their aspirations! And the ire of those thus thwarted fell upon me. I was in their way and so - “Strike the shepherd the sheep will scatter…” was real and the use of any means was to them permissible. Having too many chinks in my armor doesn’t help. Yet, not too long ago, and I do not know what provoked it, I felt God’s anger surge like a searing flame and the message to me was; “You are not defenseless!”  

Though the joy and thrill of being alive and being where I wanted to be and doing what I was permitted by God to do by far outweighs the hardships and difficulties I endured. The number of kids increased; the number of buildings and their quality increased. The drab, barren land is transformed into a beautiful home. The girls’ home too is undergoing this metamorphosis …

Then there were those premium blessings. Walking through the dew drenched grass scattering about carelessly God’s diamonds just turned such by the rays of the early morning sun. Caressing with hands or face the leaves on low-hanging tree branches and bushes. Watching raindrops turn to molten silver in the light of the lone lantern at my gate; listening to the attempts of a bird to sing - it must have been practicing for it was certainly nothing poets claim it to be. Sometimes, in the joy of life, I would stand on the playground in pouring rains with hands raised up laughing into the menacing sky beholding, with my mind’s eyes the face of God. At other times simply walking back and forth quietly on that same playground in the presence of my God wishing for no more than that – as there is nothing I desire beyond that.

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm

I am also an art lover – stretching the concept a little bit …. My canvasses - living canvasses. The favorite canvas is the view from my bay window that overlooks a large part of the playground.  To a casual observer it might seem in a constant state of flux as kids move here and there; I perceive it as static or constant – happy kids at play! Another canvas is kids at work, to be followed by kids worshiping. One is a beautiful vignette. Anup had a minor accident with his motor cycle. The next morning, while resting, three little boys stood in front of his door calling, “Anup Bhai” (Anup brother). Anup grumpily replied, “What do you want?” There was a time of silence. Then they called again, “Anup Bhai!” Anup getting angry shouted, “Go away! Let me rest!” One little boy replied, “Here we are in front of your door praying that God will heal you and you shout at us telling us to go away.”  While little boys still pray for a friend who hurts the world cannot be all that bad.

As for my future … Though Yohan is President of the Society; Bapu is Director - I am still very much in the picture. I am the patriarch acting as a consultant and advisor; still the center and to our computer guru, one of our former students – an inspiration. I am still healthy in body, mind and spirit – enjoying a life with “malice to none and charity to all…” Having said that, still in the end, no doubt, that all too will shift to Bapu as I decrease and he increases.  Till then …

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
From the Lord of the Rings

Your love and care, expressed by your prayers and gifts, puts us deeply in your debt. To contain it in just two words – “Thank You” is trying to contain the ocean in a cup. Still - Thank You!

Frank